Blog Rory Balls 

Fuck You Facebook, You Don’t Need My Number

This will prevent account hijack hey facebook, that’s your fucking problem bitch Seriously facebook. I mean seriously?!?!? WTF facebook. The entire point of your existence is so I don’t have to give people I meet my phone number.  Do you think I want my fiends calling me? Fuck that. A real friend would know I have no fucking interest in talking to them. And while I’m at it facebook. Fuck you. I mean seriously facebook, WTF dude. WTF and why is your website always asking me to do stuff. I…

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Blog Rory Balls 

Drips on Mug Look Upset or Something. Now I’m Upset.

Earlier Black Cat crossed my path I’m freaking out man Seriously, I was fine with the black cat and that ass that ran the stop sign but this is just to much. Why does my mug have to look at me with such disrespect? I made the drink to forget about that shit. No I gotta deal with more shit. Shit. I’m freaking out man. This is what happens when people decorate for Halloween in September. This is what happens when the illuminati has your phone tapped.  I try to…

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Quahog Rory Balls Report 

Quahog Crime Spree Continues Unabated

Obviously ironic as John Mayer is beloved Part of acne related crime spree A string of acne related crimes has disrupted the relative peace of our beloved Quahog. Following the break-in at Goldman’s Pharmacy Monday night in which the towns entire supply of acne medication was destroyed and the sexual assault of Bachelorette star Brooke Roberts at the residence of the Griffin family (of Spooner Street) graffiti has now been found on the exterior wall of the Quahog Mini-Mart. A picture taken moments after the graffiti event seems to implicate…

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Arlen Rory Balls Report 

Local Spanker Caught with Pants Down

Dooley “Her pants were down”. A Local Laotion “The Hills are a redneck menace”. Local public school spanker, Peggy Hill, was back in the news today after exposing herself to a group of seventh grade students at Tom Landry Middle School Friday afternoon. Readers may remember Mrs. Hill from a spanking scandal last fall when local honor student Stuart Dooley received the harsh punishment from the substitute Spanish teacher, Hill, after a misunderstanding during class. Hill has also been linked to a plagiarism case involving her son Bobby Hill, a…

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